A couple of days ago, Barnes & Noble started a 50% sale off all Criterion titles. This includes their entire DVD and Blu-Ray catalogue, and yes, the otherwise $400 Kurosawa treasure chest (It's too massive to be called a box set) is also in that list. Anyone willing to donate $200?
Needless to say, for a cinephile this is like crackheads finding out that crack is suddenly %50 off. It's a miracle I still haven't pawned off all my possessions and am not blowing strange men in the Tenderloin in order to buy Wages of Fear on Blu-Ray.
In celebration of the sale, I thought of some great movies that would become even greater experiences on DVD or Blu-Ray if they were to be released by Criterion. Here's hoping...
5- Office Space: I can already Imagine the minimalist cover with the title handwritten on a floppy drive along with instructions on how to install the Superman III virus. This could be a 2-DVD set with a brand new pristine transfer, two commentaries, one with Mike Judge and crew, another with the cast, a feature-length documentary that includes never before seen behind the scenes footage, the original animated clip from SNL, and a short feature on the film's cultural impact.
4- The Big Lebowski: The recent 2-DVD release of this more-than-cult classic that spawned a festival that is visited by over 40.000 people a year left much to be desired. The Criterion edition could include a bunch of commentaries, new interviews by cast and crew, the full documentary about Lebowski-fest, of which a 10-minute clip was included in the recent DVD release, and the small print version of the I'm a Lebowski, You're a Lebowski book.
3- Children of Men: The original DVD release of this modern masterpiece had very little in it as far as special features were concerned and sported a fairly uninspired cover of a forlorn Clive Owen. A Criterion 2-Disc version can give this film the release it deserves. First of all, that cover has to change. I'm imagining a box made to look like a Quietus suicide package, with no hint of the film's title or even the fact that the product is a DVD/Blu-Ray anywhere on the outer packaging.
That way, you weed out the hipsters who pretend to love the movie 'cause it's so "raw" and "edgy", from the true admirers, since anyone who really knows this film will recognize the Quietus logo from a mile away. Inside the package could be instructions on how to basically kill yourself with the pill, with information on the disc contents hidden throughout.
Along with the usual pristine transfer, the release could have many, many technical commentaries, and impeccably detailed feature-length documentaries describing every single aspect of bringing this complex project to the screen, including a 90-minute making of documentary about that infamous 8-minute shot.
2- Seconds: This odd and way ahead of its time thriller directed by John Frankenheimer and starring Rock Hudson is so bizarre, I'm surprised Criterion hasn't jumped on it already. The story follows the Twilight Zone-esque adventure of an old man who is transformed into a prime-of-his-life Rock Hudson when he realizes he is disappointed in his life and wants a second chance at things. Not only is he given Rock Hudson's good looks by a mysterious corporation, he also receives a brand new mansion, a luxury car and a beautiful wife. But he has no idea about the terrifying consequences when he realizes how fake and manufactured his new life is and wants out.
Seconds holds the distinction of being the only film I have ever seen whose ending made me feel physically ill. Hudson and Frankenheimer are both dead, so I don't know what the new special features would entail, but a clear new Blu-Ray transfer with a spiffy new cover won't hurt.
1- A Boy and His Dog: One of the only cult films that holds the distinction of being a highly pleasurable oddity and a critically-acclaimed post-apocalyptic masterpiece, A Boy and His Dog deserves an all-out a-la Brazil 3-Disc release from Criterion. First of all, this is a film that deserves a new anamorphic HD transfer. I know for a fact that a clean, remastered 35mm version of the film exists. I've seen it firsthand with director LQ Jones in attendance. It would be amazing if the set could include a new commentary by Jones along with the old one from the original DVD release, and a new feature-length interview before he passes on (As of this writing, he's 83 years old).
The second DVD could also include a short documentary about Tiger the dog, and interviews about the film's vast influence on its genre by directors of post-apocalyptic sci-fi like George Miller, who on more than one occasion credited this film as his main inspiration for Mad Max. What would the 3rd DVD contain? Why, the pilot episode of Miami Vice, of course.
